A Countdown To Pain
by Carbuncle
Summary: Aeris discovers that she is pregnant...


FINAL FANTASY VII  
  
A SPECIAL SERIES FOR FEBRUARY! A SPECIAL SERIES FOR FEBRUARY!   
  
'A Countdown To Pain'  
  
"Morning everyone!", smiled Aeris as she walked into Tifa's bar, Seventh Heaven.  
  
"Morning Aeris. Did you sleep wel-?"  
  
Tifa's jaw dropped in horror. She stared at Aeris and gave Cloud a tap on the shoulder.  
  
"What?! I'm trying to read the 'Midgar Times'!", Cloud groaned.  
  
Tifa grabbed Cloud's head and pointed it towards Aeris. His newspaper fell to the floor.  
  
"Oh... my... God!", Cloud stuttered.  
  
Aeris stood before them. She had gained a lot of weight, and was as big as a house (not literally).  
  
"Is something wrong, you two?", asked Aeris.  
  
"How much did *you* have to eat last night? You been on the munchies again?", giggled Tifa.  
  
"Huh?", Aeris looked down at her stomach. "Ergh!"  
  
The ancient fainted onto the floor.  
  
"Oh my God! They killed..."  
  
"No, not yet Cloud.", Tifa belowed. "She's still breathing. She's just fainted. Here, give me a hand."  
  
Cloud and Tifa pulled Aeris up onto a table, and crowded round.  
  
"Geez! I've only seen one person who's as fat as this! She musta ate like an 'S' class Chocobo!"  
  
"No... it's not that, Cloud.", said Tifa while pressing her ears against Aeris's chest. "She-She's pregnant!"  
  
"WHAT?!", exclaimed Cloud.  
  
Later that day, the whole party had gathered at Seventh Heaven to witness this small miracle.  
  
"But-But how?!", Barrett yelled.  
  
"Sigh!", grumbled Tifa. "I knew we'd have to explain this to you someday, Barrett. Y'see, when a man and a woman have se-"  
  
"Yeah! I know all that! I'm not stupid!", Barrett retorted. "What I mean is, when did all this happen?! She was fine yesturday! Not fat or anythin'! These things don't jus' crop up over night!"  
  
"Barrett's right.", Cloud agreed. "Aeris, can you explain?"  
  
"Um... I don't know either, Cloud! This is all a mystery to me aswell!"  
  
"Maybe we should call a doctor?", suggested Red XIII.  
  
"I'll get on the phone to Dr. Imahidiot!", shouted Tifa.  
  
Tifa walked off towards the telephone while Yuffie inspected Aeris.  
  
"Holy crap! You must have some big baby in there!"  
  
"If it is a baby.", mumbled Barrett. "Perhaps it's somethin' else."  
  
"Like what?!", wondered Cid. "A double cheese burger with extra ham?!"  
  
"Enough with the fat jokes people!", Aeris snapped. "Ow! I think I felt a kick!"  
  
"Ya did!", flinched Yuffie. "It was me! You need to calm down, sister! This isn't doing any good for the kid!"  
  
Just then, Tifa walked back into the bar.  
  
"Is Dr. Imahidiot coming?", Cloud questioned.  
  
"No. He's out on call. But they're sending over someone else. Hold on Aeris."  
  
"Hold on?! Seriously, my water just broke!", the ancient gasped.  
  
"Ergh!", squirmed the group, as they all moved away from her.  
  
Suddenly, Professor Hojo entered the building. He gave a sneaky smile as he moved toward Aeris.  
  
"Hmmm, looks like the reproduction of the ancients is imminent."  
  
"Professor Hojo?! What are you doing here?!", Cloud paniced.  
  
"I was informed that someone here needed a doctor. I assume that person is you, m'dear?"  
  
"Hey! She needed a *doctor*! We don't want no service from a criminal!", growled Barrett.  
  
"Criminal?! I'm hurt!", cried Hojo. "I'm a reformed man now!"  
  
"Reformed? More like deformed!", whispered Cait Sith.  
  
"Ow! Ow ow ow! Ow!", groaned Aeris.  
  
"People! We have a baby on the way!", Hojo yelled. "Now do you want me to deliver it or not?!"  
  
"Knock yourself out!", coughed Cid, while he sipped a beer.  
  
Hojo moved closer to Aeris. He inspected her, um, y'know, and gave a sad look.  
  
"Is everything alright, Professor?", asked Vincent.  
  
"No. This is no ordinary pregnancy."  
  
"Yeah, like we figured that one out ten minutes ago!", mumbled Yuffie.  
  
"I have to move fast!", Hojo thought. "I've decided! I'm going in!"  
  
"WHAT?!", exclaimed the party.  
  
"Relax, I've done this many times during my career.", Hojo plugged his nose and pulled his top half up into Aeris's dress.  
  
"Ew!"  
  
Aeris began to sweat badly. The party tried to comfort her in her time of need.  
  
"Okay! Pant Aeris! Whoof whoof whoof! Deep, slow breaths!", Tifa bloated.  
  
"Whoof whoof whoof!", Aeris panted. "Whoof whoof whoof!"  
  
"Who let the dogs out...", Yuffie sang quietly.  
  
"Success!", sighed Hojo as he pulled himself out of Aeris.  
  
"Hurray!", Cloud cheered. "But, uh, Professor? Where is the baby?"  
  
"Oh, um, the child refuses to come out. In fact, he's stuck."  
  
"Stuck?! Then why success?!", whailed Cloud.  
  
"Success... because I got out of there just in time. This is no ordinary child. It is some sort of demon, which has been implanted into this young woman during a period of which she was not aware. And he is very, very pissed off! He also stole my ten-inch needle."  
  
"Oh boy!", gurgled Aeris.  
  
All of a sudden, a large needle end pierced through Aeris's stomach. It ripped her apart as a demon child emerged.  
  
"Oh my God! It killed Aeris!", screamed Tifa.  
  
"You beast!", yelled Cloud.  
  
The demon jumped onto the floor, swinging Professor Hojo's needle around infront of the party. It giggled in an evil way.  
  
"Quick Professor! Do something!", Yuffie belowed. "Professor?"  
  
"Bye-bye, losers!", laughed Hojo as he ran off outside.  
  
"That bastard!", growled Cid. "Uh, nice baby... nice baby!"  
  
The demon leapt upon Cid and lifted the needle above his head. It prepared to inject Cid, which would kill him instantly.  
  
"Cloud! Barrett! Tifa! Yuffie! Cait Sith! Red XIII! And the other guy! Help me!"  
  
"I'll save you, Cid!", Cloud ran at the demon with his Ultima Weapon held high.  
  
He took a swipe at the demon, slicing it into two halves. It's limp body crumbled to the floor.  
  
"Phew!", sighed Cid, while he felt his head. "Now thats what I call a close shave!"  
  
"Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!", laughed the party.  
  
"I love you guys!", Cloud smiled.  
  
THE END__________ 


End file.
